Oh, that’s a good question. So many things have been going on this month but unfortunately for my readers I can’t talk publicly about half of them. However..

Thursday was my birthday! Yep, I’m 26 now. I don’t feel it and I’m pretty sure I don’t look it.. but there’s no denying it. Michael got me a beautiful pearl pendant necklace set in yellow gold with diamond accents. He couldn’t wait to give it to me, so I finally let him the day before my birthday. I was surprised it was so nice, because he had mentioned wanting to get me pearls and I was a lil *eh* about it. Corey didn’t get me anything, but he insisted he was going to throw me a birthday party. So he went over to Erica‘s house to make cupcakes and they came back with balloons and sang Happy Birthday to me in the doorway – which was surprisingly embarrassing. I made dinner and we watched The IT Crowd, which I absolutely love. We watched the Friendface episode, which I recommend to anyone who has this weird addiction to Facebook that I have.

Jay sent me 3 cards from Arizona, one of which he put in some rose petals from a desert rose he picked. I thought that was really sweet. He said he got me 3 cards because they all reflected how he feels. Last Friday was our wedding anniversary so now we’ve been married for 9 years.

The renovations to the house have been obnoxiously slow. I guess they’ve taken on too many projects at one time and so houses are going days at a time without anyone working on them. I did get my kitchen sink, but my wall is still unpainted and the door on the pantry has no handle. My shower and my toilet are in, but there’s a hole in the wall in the bathroom and no sink/counter. It doesn’t bother me so much that they’re being slow about it as it does that they say they’ll be here one day and I wait around and they’re late or don’t show up at all. I’ve decided they’re going to start working around my schedule now. I have my kitchen sink back, my shower, and my toilet.. the rest is not a huge necessity.

Michael’s birthday is coming up soon, so I need to plan his birthday party and locate his gift. I also need to call the housing lady *again* about the things she said she would have fixed around the outside of my house so I have a place to put this gift I’m planning to get Michael. Also so I can make a plan for putting in a fence for the dogs in the back yard. So much to do. I think I need to make a list..

Have you ever felt like you needed a fresh start? I know some people live for fresh starts, they need one every year or so. I don’t. I like things to be the same and only change the things I don’t like. Like my bathroom. The management company we rent our house from is doing renovations on our street and one of the things they’re doing is the bathroom. I’m realy excited to be getting it redone because mine is kind of gross. Mine and all my neighbors. Along with the bathrooms, they’re changing some other stuff and I really don’t think I want them to. They’re adding doors to the sun room (which is my home office) and that’s great but the doors are so big that they won’t be able to swing with my large dining room table in there. Today I had the bright idea to move the $550 table into my office and use it as a desk, then move out the $100 desk. I think maybe I’ll give my desk to the boys. I’ve spent the whole morning working onn that and I wish I could spend more time on it.

They’re taking out the fireplace, too, and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I’d love to put my TV there, but that leaves wires running across the room because the cable outlets are on the other side. And on the other hand, fireplaces are awesome for Christmas time. Where will I put my stockings without a fireplace? And it’s so cozy to stick a log in there and let it burn. I really cannot decide.

I did decide I’m going to redo the boys’ rooms and restore Michael’s computer. His friends have been playing on it and it’s still fast.. but it has stuff on it that I want to get rid of. It’s about 2 years old, so it’s a pretty good time. I really think  he’s ready for a laptop, but I can’t afford one. I considered letting him sell his computer at the garage sale next month and use the money from that to put toward a new laptop, but I’m still completely undecided on that, too. I have a lot of stuff Iwant to so and it feels so great to be motivated for a change, but this dentist appointment the boys have today is going to get in the way of that.

My Touchsmart needs to be reloaded too. The virus protection sucks and I want to start some trials over again. I always get excited about restoring a computer because it’s like getting a new one. I love installing and playing with new programs.

I think this is the first upbeat post I’ve made in a while. Maybe I can keep myself distracted enough with work that  I can create the illusion of happiness..

Sunday was Corey’s birthday and marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life. The boys started school on Monday and the freedom I had for a few hours was priceless. So much so, that I’ve been looking into signing them up for the after school program to get a few  more hours a couple of days a week. I’ve even found the time to blog! Check that out. Maybe it’s because I’m not playing that evil game, Mafia Wars.

Both of the boys are playing separate sports this fall, so they’ve got me running to practices and games every night of the week. I hope Jay will keep up with Michael’s football because it’s something they enjoy together and I really hate football. I only let him play because he wanted to so bad. From what I hear, he’s pretty good at it.

My own personal issues with my family members hasn’t gone away, but it’s transformed into something different. I think I’ve gotten over the initial shock and I’m just bitter or numb, depending on who I’m looking at. I’m starting to find some priority in my house and my dogs and my kids that were previously directed to people who may not have deserved it. This being vague thing is just getting on my nerves. I really enjoyed having someone to talk to and vent to while I was in Viriginia visiting a friend. I’m slightly tempted to just move there. From one beach town to another.

Funny thing about going to the beach, it gives you a lot of time to think. I spent an hour yesterday riding waves just thinking about my life and my situation. I thought I had come to some epiphany, but on the ride home from the beach I realized that I was wrong. First thing you need to do when thinking about your life is to be honest with yourself. I wasn’t. When I really think honestly about everything, my whole perspective changes. The truth sucks and I hate that I feel that way, so I try to hide it by telling myself I feel the way I should. I know I’m being extremely vague, but after the book my brother wrote me on a previous post, I’m not going to go into detail anymore.

The basic story is that my life is nothing that I want it to be. I’m a damn oxymoron and probably sabbotaging myself. I thought that even though things didn’t go like I might have thought I wanted them to, I could make the best of what I have. What I have is still great, even though it wasn’t my vision for life. However, when you put other people into it they mess it all up and I can’t even do that. I can’t figure out how to move forward with my life, without leaving others behind and how to keep up with other people without allowing myself to get left behind. And I can’t get my thoughts together because I can’t talk to anyone.

I really need to make a decision before this eats me alive.